Monday, August 18, 2014

the funnest

I'm pretty sure yesterday was the funnest day of Ole's life. I'd remembered driving past "Perch and Play" but had never looked up any info about it. In my head I was sure it was probably just something for older kids. To my luck and surprise it was for the littles too. So Ole and I went there and played for a couple hours and he got to have chicken nuggets for lunch. He had a blast. We went home and took a nap and when he woke up he had to go with me to the post office. But since he put up with that, he got to go to the park that's by our house. He liked picking dandelions and after that I showed him the amazingness that is the slide. I took him down a big one first and he SCREAMED in delight. So after that I held him over and over again on some of the other slides and finally he tried out the toddler slide on his own. I held his hands so he wouldn't bonk his head but he had a blast being able to climb up to the slide on his own (and exhausting himself). I tried to put him in a baby swing but he was terrified of it for some reason and screamed and wouldn't let me go. He liked when I would swing with him but that's about it. He also had fun putting rocks in his mouth and spitting them out when I would tell him "no rocks in your mouth!" After the park when we were sweaty and exhausted I thought "a slurpee sounds good!" He was pretty fussy and tired but I was pretty sure it would be worth it to make the trip to 7/11 before going home.  I was right. He LOVED it. I'm pretty sure he drank half of it. It was a good day.

The good stuff.

Ole at Perch and Play.
Ole's new favorite morning thing. Eating breakfast naked, cause why not?!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

first few days in our new place

The first few nights in our new place have been wonderful. Ole seems to love it. He likes to run around when we get home and has slept better in the new place then our old one. It might be the new bed.. Or just the positive feeling of starting over together. Either way, we have settled in to a routine of our own and I am loving it. After work we make dinner together, then Ole takes a bath and goes to bed. He has just seemed really happy to be with me and I have been very happy for our time together too.

He is getting a new tooth and it is completely crooked. But hey, the kids gotta have one imperfection. ;)

 Little stinker eating watermelon in our new cabinets.
I gave Ole a mohawk the other morning. He liked it.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Summer Olz

Ole Joe was made for the summer. He is just like me and a water baby. He is a sunshine baby. He is an adventure baby. He hates being indoors all day and could run around outside all day if I would let him. 
I also learned that he is an Indian food lover. Just like me. We went to the farmer's market last weekend with Iris and Cassie and got a plate of Indian food. Ole was obsessed. That night Joe got us Indian food for dinner and again, obsessed Ole. And this dinner meal was made with chili peppers! Anything with a very strong flavor, Ole is all about. Another new favorite; limes. We gave him one to see what he would do and he chowed it down. No flinching. Since then, we've given him limes a couple more times and he loves them. I love this kid!
In other news, Ole and I got our very own 1 bedroom apartment. It's not the nicest but it's big, inexpensive and ours. It is going to be full of love and fun. 
Now on to my new favorite picture, which I think is the absolute best picture of Ole ever taken.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Because my mind won't shut up and I am at work with no one to talk to, I will talk to you my fellow bloggers.
A couple weeks ago Joe and I split up. Well I guess you call it that. We are currently still living together but Joe got his own place and moves this weekend.
I think I was in shock for the first week or two and I thought I was ok.
I was disassociated with the whole thing.
And now that he moves this weekend and I have to find my own place I feel empty and broken.
I am mostly already constantly missing Ole. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I know that wherever I am with him I will be home.. But I don't want to ever go a day without seeing him. And I know that he doesn't want to go a day without seeing me. Even if I step outside for a minute he screams. As soon as I re-enter the room he is just beaming with love smiles. How can we do this to him?
I keep saying we didn't try hard enough. Things really aren't/weren't that bad. At least to me they weren't. We are new parents. You lose that connection for a bit because you are in survival mode but you can come back to each other. And I thought we were.
Joe is already dating. I don't know if I've felt that one yet.
He is seeing someone. I don't know if that bothers me. I think what I think about that is that maybe he wanted more attention. So he went looking for it and found someone. It makes me think it's my fault for being neglectful and that maybe if I wasn't being neglectful then he would still love me.
But I can't think like that or the pain will be too real.
I keep telling him that maybe we could work on things. This is all happening too fast for me and too fast for Ole. But he doesn't want to listen.
I feel like I'm just screaming for another chance but no sound is coming out.
I feel like I want to tell him I could make him happy again. He could be happy again. But my pride stands in the way. If you don't want me, I don't want to force you to want me. If your new girl makes you happy I want you to be happy.
I'm scared that Ole won't know I am mom. I am scared that Ole won't know how much I love him. I am scared he will think he did something wrong. My eyes sting from holding back tears, my cheeks feel hot and I'm choking on air and anxiety.
I don't want my family to be split up. I don't want to share my baby. I don't want to have no idea where he is or what he is doing.

Thursday, May 29, 2014