Thursday, August 15, 2013

Thoughts on a Rainy Day

Today my coworkers threw me a baby shower luncheon. We all brought a dish to share. And some even brought me presents! The food was delicious. Oh and they decorated my office with blue balloons and streamers. It was really, really nice.
A male coworker of mine attended the shower. He asked me, completely serious, if I am expecting twins. Do not ever say this to a pregnant woman. He then told me that he "totally cannot picture me as a mom." Also completely serious and also something you should not say to a pregnant woman. 
I remember when I was newly pregnant I never thought I would "look" pregnant. I thought I might look fat but not like pregnant. I just couldn't see myself as the big, beautiful pregnant woman. It used to bother me when people would say how "big" they felt when they were pregnant. I have always found pregnant women to be fascinating and beautiful and never did the word "big" fit that image to me. I always  would think how I wished they'd embrace their beauty and pregnant-ness. Now that I am that big pregnant woman I get what they meant. You just feel big. It doesn't feel like your body anymore. I don't like the attention I get for being pregnant. I don't like people staring at my belly, or trying to touch my belly. (Friends, family you are allowed to touch my belly.. I'm talking strangers here.) I don't like being told everyone's labor horror stories. 
I still feel like me but I like me better now then before. I feel like a mom.. or at least like someone about to be a mom. I definitely feel like this is the beginning of my own family. I feel protective of my little cub and of my Joe love. I feel, for the first time in my life, protective of my body. And like my body is a temple, and sacred. I wish I would have always felt that way, but I'm glad that I do now. I feel much more like me then I ever have. And I feel like a woman. A beautiful woman that deserves respect and love. It's all very new but I count my blessings every day now. I feel so lucky. I am so glad that after Joe and I have gotten sober and gotten our shit together that we found that we are more in love and alike then ever and that we really do want a family and life together. We really discovered that we are best friends and in it for the long haul. Even though we weren't trying to get pregnant I am so glad we did. Ole has completed us and cleaned us up and actually made us have a life worth living. He saved us. I really want to get a sign that says "first we had each other, then we had you and now we have everything."
Some pictures from baby shower at work day:
 My desk

Flowers from Kellee


  1. Looks like a wonderful baby shower and a great time! BTW I found a way of bypassing Blogger's limit on how many blogs one can follow, so I am now finally following your blog :)

  2. Congrats on the baby Baylee and all the positive life changes. Life is such a remarkable journey.